“Feed My Sheep” – results of the food drive

A HUGE thank you to all who participated in the drive to feed the hungry in the name of Wynette Hendricks. During the last week of May, we visited the South Plains Food Bank to give them the funds raised in this drive. We have received a great letter from the SPFB and want to share it so all can see the work this particular food bank does and how the money we raised is being spent.

food_bank_letter

This will be the first of an annual drive in Wynette Hendricks name as she is the one who shared information about South Plains Food Bank and how good they were. It’s great to be able to do something so vital for others in memory of our angel friend Wynette!!

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UNDERSTANDING AND FORGIVENESS

Going back into the past once again. In the recent months I have made connections with people who were at one time a part of my world. Circumstances changed that and we all drifted apart. But with the wide world of the internet that has changed once again. People that I have lost touch with for years are now back in my world and I thank you for that Father.

And due to the reconnection of one of those special people I have come to know that not all things that I thought were true were true. Granted hurt feelings had a lot to do with why I felt the way I did but that does not excuse the untruth that I held in my heart. I am referring to my second husband. We were married for 5 years but were only together for less than a year. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense but bear with me. My second husband actually tricked me into marrying him. What I didn’t know was the reason that he felt compelled to do that. I recently made contact with a member of his family and I feel truly blessed to have had that opportunity. In our conversations, she has enlightened me to what drove him to trick me into the marriage. He was a man tormented by his mother. A women that he adored as only a son can adore his mom. The only problem was she did not feel the same way about him. Now there is no way to know why or what drove her to feel that way. That is between her and God. But my husbands adoration of his mom was what drove him to try to please her. So at the risk of my wrath, he did what she insisted that he do. Trick me into a marriage that I did not want. It had only been a short time since I had escaped from my first marriage and the last thing I wanted was to get married again. The only things that I remember about that time period were buying matching blue v-necked sweaters and watching my husband to be fall out of the chair and laughing my self silly. Well, the sweaters were what we wore to the court-house and the reason that he fell out of the chair is because he could not stand the sight of blood. Back then you had to have a blood test to get married.
Flash forward to the moment when I found out I was married……not a good time to be had for anyone much less all. I found out when the certificate arrived in the mail. About an hour later my new husband arrived home from work. I was sitting on the chair with the certificate in my hands. Needless to say he went white as a sheet and started begging me to please listen before I killed him. I reluctantly agreed as he explained.
I am going to back up a little here. The main reason I did not remember a lot of what happened was the fact that I had been in the hospital for 8 days. They had me on some major painkillers and as a matter of fact I ended back in the hospital before we left his parents house.
Now back to the story. We ended up married but because of the deceit of the event, our marriage was not the bed of roses that it could have been. Then 6 months into the marriage, he was injured at work and was put on workman’s comp. This rocked on about 5 months and he started drinking. Then came the day that put an end to the marriage. My sister-in-law and myself came home from the grocery store and he came out the front door and I could tell he was angry. About what…..who knew? But he screamed at us and wanted to know where we had been. Being the smart mouth that I was back then, I replied,”Playing tiddlywinks, where does it look like we have been?” He drew back his fist and slammed me in the jaw. I heard as well as felt it crack. I remember thinking HE BROKE MY JAW! The next thing I knew my sister-in-law was pulling on my shirt and yelling at me. She said, “Wynette, stop! You are going to kill him!” I remember turning to her and saying, “What do you think I am trying to do!” I snapped back to my self and got up and gathered every thing of his that I could find and threw it in his car. I told him if he ever came near me again I would finish the job. I saw him one time in the next 4 years. I did not know until many years later that he had passed away from cancer.
The moral to this story is you never know what drives a person unless you get to know the real person. The one behind the persona that they put out there for most of the public to view. We did not get a chance to get to know each other as well as I wished we had, and for that I am very sad. But I know that we will meet again in Heaven because I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was saved. Until then my friend, we will meet again.

What does a spiritual battle look like-Part 4

At about this time, I got a huge blessing of financial freedom in the form of SSDI. I know it was of God for the simple fact that I was approved on the first application WITHOUT a lawyer. Ask anyone and they will tell you that is nothing short of a miracle.

So with the relief of the financial stress, Satan blew a gasket and wrecked havoc on my health once again. This is a battle that is continuing. But it is not a matter of whether or my medication is correct or if I have enough or if it is working, because this is a battle not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12) But with the help of God and the advice and counseling of a few very strong Prayer Warriors, our side is winning. So as you can see walking in the word of God is not for the faint of heart. He never told me it would be easy, he simply told me it would be worth it. As of this morning, 34 countries have signed on to this blog. We are reaching souls on every continent. I think. LOL Haven’t really counted up how many continents there are, but if you look on the little interactive map at the bottom right corner of the front page you can see all the little red dots of people who have clicked on this blog.

All of the trials and tribulations that I have experienced have allowed me the privilege and honor of walking in the path that the Lord has put before me. I do not regret a single moment of it. If we can save one soul through the stories I have put down here then I am succeeding in the job that the Lord has made for me. And because we are following the path that God has put before us, we are all the more blessed for it. PRAISE THE LORD!!
(John 14:27) 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

What does a spiritual battle look like-Part 3

Just in the last two and a half months, I have been in the hospital after an injection in my knee to replace the cushion that had been damaged in the previous injury. I had an extremely bad allergic reaction to the shot. I have been to the emergency room 5 times with extreme breakouts of what was finally diagnosed as chronic, recurring, idiopathic Urticaria. Yeah, say that 3 times real fast. That translates into unending, over and over, (we don’t have a clue what causes it) giant excruciatingly painful whelps. Another round of steroids, pain meds (that became a whole other issue in its own self). Then one night while I was in the hospital at 3:36 am (that has become mine and God’s appointment time) I had an epiphany. I had convinced my self that the pain would never end and nothing that the hospital staff could do would make the pain go away. I had sent my body into “Fight or Flight” and if I could not figure out how to get that under control, it would get to the point that the hospital staff would not be able to get the pain under control to the detriment of my life at some point. With the help of our Lord and Savior and a good talking to from one of my best friends, Em, I have finally found that vital place in my mind where I can derail Satan and all of his attempts to send me into that panic mode.
“Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked … I have been in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles … and in danger from false brothers.” — The Apostle Paul

The Lord has helped me stop the last two attacks in their tracks. Of course Satan could not allow that to go uncontested. He came at me with everything in his arsenal in the last month. I have now been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome with associative anxiety disorder. Every time the Dr.’s get me started on medication, I either have a bad reaction to it or for some reason or other, they forget to renew the prescription. Within 3 days of being without antidepressant medication, the pit and the blanket of darkness descends upon me and I am in worse shape than I was to begin with.
TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW

What does a spiritual battle look like-Part 2

Bear with me my good friends. There is a method to my madness. The purpose of all of these graphic descriptions is to explain the next part of this blog. Satan is the ultimate liar. He will take one small grain of truth and use it against you. Because there is just a grain of truth in it, you convince yourself that it could be true. That is when Satan takes the ball and runs with it. He wraps you in the cloak of depression and throws a very heavy blanket of anxiety over the top, just to keep you in the dark. Satan rules the darkness. He cannot survive in the light. So he does everything in his power to KEEP you in the dark. When I was taken out of the workforce, I was in a great deal of pain from the knee injury and a skin/nerve condition that I had had for over 20 years. So for the next 19 months, I was in limbo. Flailing in the dark. I would fight to the top with everything I had in me, only for Satan to come up behind me and knock my legs out from under me. I suffered from the deepest darkest depression imaginable, began having panic attacks (if you have ever suffered from one of those, you have my deepest sympathy! They are HORRIBLE!). I got behind in every one of my bills with no option to pay them. I began selling everything I owned. When we started this blog, we put our faith in the Lord’s promise, that if we would step out in faith, He would take care of all of my needs- 

Luke 12:29-32 : And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. 30 For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. 32 Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.

Then I began trusting in our Father and the generosity of the people supporting this ministry. Every time I received a blessing, Satan was hot on my heels with his lies and deception to try and turn me away from the path the Lord had given me. It went from financial crisis to medical crisis. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. There were times I honestly did not know if I was coming or going. The Lord has blessed me with so many mentors during this time. If He could not lead me in a particular instance, there was always someone to take my hand and stand with me against the darkness.
TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW

What does a spiritual battle look like?

I can’t really speak for others but I can witness to what MY spiritual battle looks like.

One of my best friends recently commented on one of my posts-No matter how long the darkness seems, God has the light!
The post is as follows:

U need to tell of how intense the darkness was and what it did to your body, spirit, and mind. There are many people who are suffering from this and don’t even know it. They laugh it off as if it is not there. The enemy knows and loves that tactic..because as long as he can keep us busy pretending that the problem does not exist, or that some human being can take it away–he can continue to mess with our walk, and the plans that God has for us. This is intense and serious.

So I am digging out the memories once again. The difference is this has happened off and on for the last two years. Well this episode anyway. In reality I have been dealing with these episodes since my first memories of my life. But facetiously I thought I had conquered those demons, when all I had done was locked them up in a very deep dark closet. But at different times over the years, several things have happened to bring them out of that closet. 

This latest round was brought on by the mental trauma of feeling my own mortality. Call it middle age, old age, menopause, what ever label you want to put on it. But when the reality of the situation hits you in the face, and you can no longer con yourself into believing that this is all temporary. It becomes frighteningly real! You can still joke about it. Make up funny sayings to cover your pain. But at some point, that just doesn’t cut it any more. That is when the depression took over for me. I don’t mean your average every day “I am so tired of this, I just want to go to sleep and forget about it” type of depression. Those the Lord and I could always jerk me out of. The depression that I am talking about takes you to the very bottom of your psyche and dumps you there. You can’t find a way out. You stay in bed for days, eat yourself into oblivion (or it may be the opposite for some people). For me it was the first type. 

Add that to the equation of being out of work. You are told you are no longer able to work. Now, I can see what you are thinking right about now…….That would be wonderful….no work for a while….lay up in bed….eat every thing in sight. That is what I would have thought at one time. That would be
HEAVEN…..Until it is not an option, it has become your reality. I have worked the major portion of my adult life. Not cushy gravy train jobs. I have driven an 18 wheeler to every single one of the continental United States , both ends of Canada and old Mexico. I have been a CAM certified apartment manager of mostly Section 8 type properties (they are called low-income now). Not easy jobs to say the least. But now all of a sudden, I injured my knee, had surgery, had to be fitted with hearing aids in both ears (of which the receiver has had to be increased once already and needs to be done again). My eyesight has decreased to the point of having to wear trifocals and to add insult to injury I have gained approximately 125 lbs since high school. I can now look at a bottle of any type of steroid type medication and gain 10 lbs! 
In all of this time my faith has increased by a hundredfold. A year and a half ago the Lord began really committing on me to step out in faith and with the gentle nudging of a couple of extremely good friends, we began this blog. 
TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW
Ever since I heard this song the first time, I would literally turn the radio to another channel when this started playing. I heard it all the way through today and understood the words as plain as if I was reading them. Now I know why Satan did not want me to hear this song. Listen to the words and feel the pain. And know that God is always holding on!

WILL YOU WAIT FOR GOD TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT?

Are you going to wait for God to MAKE THINGS RIGHT? Or you going to try to take the reins and do it yourself? Is He not working fast enough for you? Do you really think you can do a better job?
I know that there have been times in my life that I thought the Lord had forgotten me. But just when I thought that all hope was gone, WHAM!! All things came right.

The situation of which I am talking about on this occasion was the situation with my daughters. It has been a lonnnnng lonnnnnng journey and one that I was not sure would ever be concluded. I was afraid that I would never be able to be understood. I reconnected with my daughters after 15 years at my youngest daughter’s graduation. That was quite a few years ago. Don’t get me wrong, we have had some wonderful times together that I would not trade for the world. But the bad times from long ago were still there in the background. We talked all the way around them but my faith was a little weak in that area. Fear was still an issue.

Fast forward 15-16 years and I am at my daughter’s new house she just bought. We are having a quiet night, just her and I. Well as quiet as possible with 2 mini-dachshunds and a brand new golden retriever puppy. LOL. My daughter was going through some personal papers from her fiance’s father, whom had passed away a month earlier. She made the comment that she did not understand why anyone would keep ALL of those receipts. Some from back 20 some odd years ago. Then she came across a letter that he had written.

Due to the personal nature of the letter I am not going into the details. But suffice it to say, it could have been written by ME. Change a few (very few) details and of course names and gender and you would have thought that it was ME writing it. It could have started the day I lost my girls in court and went from there to almost the present time. NO ONE CAN FAKE THAT KIND OF PAIN. More details taken out at this point, but at one point I stood up and went over to my daughter and took her hand, (she was sitting in the floor) raised her up and put my arms around her. She grabbed me and held on for dear life. We sobbed, not just cried, but sobbed for quite some time. I apologized to her for not being able to protect her from all the bad things that had happened. She apologized to me…..FOR WHAT? I asked. Then I told her not to ever feel like she had to apologize to me for anything. She had done absolutely nothing to apologize for. Nothing in that divorce had been her fault. It so so sad that children feel that it is their fault. It is not. Not ever.
All those receipts were every dime that he had ever spent on his children. They were proof that he had not lied and that every thing that he had said was true. It was a revelation to say the least. I hope that he receives validation for the pain that he was put through. I know with his help, I did. I know that with God’s help he will. Thank you Father.

The reason that I KNOW that God was the one that made this happen: I was supposed to return Monday morning back to my home. I kept hearing this little voice in my mind saying, “Don’t go. Not yet”. So I thought to myself, hmmmm, that is ok with me. Lol. This event happened Monday night. If I had left that morning, this monumental event would never occurred.

My daughter and I are now closer than ever and now we don’t feel like that black cloud is hanging over us in the distance. And we thank you Lord for always MAKING THINGS RIGHT. Even when it is in your time and not ours. I bow down before your majestic grace and give thanks.

Psalm 30:10-12
10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help.”
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Are you guilty by association?

My Mother used to tell us as children…”It is the same old world.” My sister just related to me the other day that (she thought it was because she was so young the first time she heard it) that she never really understood that saying. Well not until the day that she was in a church that her and her husband had attended. The Pastor stood in front of the congregation and made the statement, “It is the same old sin.” Well it was like a huge revelation to her that day. She understood that, even when our Mom was young, she was still tempted by the sins of the flesh. She was only a regular mortal. But those sins are the ones that you have to be on guard for. Satan will take a microscopic bit of the truth and lead you astray, the whole time with you thinking that it was the whole truth. By the time most of us figure it out, we are in deep trouble and are going to need help to remove ourselves from that situation. The people of today are all looking for something to grab onto. Something solid that they can depend on. Sadly it is usually the peers that are looking for the lost and innocent. The younger generation of today all feel 6ft tall and bullet proof. They have convinced themselves that as long as they are not taking part in the “Bad” things that they will not be lumped in with the “Bad” people.
This is where the title of this post comes in. You may NOT be doing a thing, but if the vehicle that you are riding in, contains alcohol, drugs or guns. YOU ARE GOING TO BE AS GUILTY AS THE ONES RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ILLEGAL THINGS FOUND IN THAT VEHICLE. Quite a few number of years ago I was working in a truck stop. (This was during the time of darkness after I escaped my first marriage). I also cleaned the house of the couple that owned the truck stop. I am not going to sit here and lie and say that I was completely innocent but I did not have the information that the Police Dept. was looking for. But for the simple reason that I was in that house every day the Police Dept. was convinced that I knew more than I was telling. I was arrested and charged with Organized Crime. I was facing up to 99 years. I have been frightened at other times in my past, but I want to tell you, this is one of the worst. I could not tell the PD what they wanted to know if I did not know it. I was released on bond by a crooked bondsman that liked to flirt with me and try to get me to go out with him. It was 2 1/2 years after the fact that I found out the charges had been dropped. They went after bigger fish. I had even quit working at the truck stop several months before they raided the place.
I share this very embarrassing incident to make one point. If you hang around with people who do the things that will get them sent to jail, you are going to end up right beside them in that cell. Statistics show: The survey asked respondents to estimate the prevalence of wrongful conviction in the United States. About 72 percent estimated that less than 1 percent — but more than zero — of convictions were of innocent people. How lucky do you feel?
Based on these results, Huff estimated conservatively that 0.5 percent of the 1,993,880 convictions for index crimes in 1990 were of innocent people. (Index crimes, which are reported by the FBI, are murder and non-negligent manslaughter, forcible rape, aggravated assault, robbery, burglary, larceny-theft, motor vehicle theft and arson.)
That would result in an estimated 9,969 wrongful convictions.
So yes folks, if you are about to climb in a car with an underaged driver who is drinking or someone who is smoking pot, I ask you to remember this story. Friends may stay angry at you for a day or so but jail is going to last a lot longer than that! ARE YOU GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION OF THE COMPANY YOU KEEP? OR ARE YOU SAVED BY THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH JESUS CHRIS? IT IS YOUR CHOICE!

AMEN!!

IN THE BEGINNING…….

This past month has been one of intense introspection. I have started 5 or 6 articles, only to hit the delete button on every one of them. I have had numerous hours of meditation and prayer. I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to have to start typing and see where the Lord leads me at this precise moment.
There are unfortunately too many times in my life that have dealt with the different types of abuse. It is horrific to contemplate all the myriad ways that we can be cruel and hurtful to each other. As long as there are egos and warped sense of values, there will always be those out to diminish the ones around them. For some twisted reasons, these persons feel the only way to elevate themselves is to destroy the ones closest to them. Just when you think you have seen the worst that the human race can put forth, you find one that has outdone even that. The only way to change this outcome is to change our focus. Instead of chasing the all mighty dollar and all that this entails, we should turn our focus to the fruits of the spirit. I admit that I often don’t understand why bad things happen. Even so, I believe that God has a purpose for everything He does or permits. My faith is rooted in the biblical principle that says the Lord is sovereign (Ps. 22:28). He is in absolute control of this universe, the natural and political climate of this earth, and my life and yours. But as time goes on, it becomes more clear that the reasoning behind the trials that I have endured would be the basis of my ministry that I am in right now. I know that there are some people out there reading my story and more than likely are saying to themselves…..this can not possibly be true. That many things can not happen to one person. That is the very reason I go into such detail in describing my life. For the people who have experienced that type of abuse, they will know it is true. You would not be able to write the details of such horror if you had not lived through it. Those are the people who I am reaching out to. For the ones that are just beginning to see the signs of such things, maybe it will be the one thing they need to get out of that situation before it is too late.
I am just now beginning to realize just how far back these situations go. I have just 3 memories from the time I was born to age 6. The first was my own willful disobedience. My Mom had told my sister and myself NOT to go down to the pump jacks and to never never try to get up on one. (Even tho they looked just like a really large seesaw. Lol) Well we did it any way. I could not have been older than 4 years old. And one of the only times my Mom spanked me. And she did spank me and my sister, all the way back to the house. I never did go back to the pump jacks ever again. LOL
The other memory was of my stepdad putting me on a Shetland pony by the name of Sugar. Boy did they give that pony the wrong name or what! She was anything but sugar. When he put me up on her, she did not have a bridle or saddle. But she did have an attitude. She took off at a dead run for the other end of the corral and just as we got to the end of the corral she pitched me off and I landed with my left arm under me. I laid there for what seemed like hours but it was only minutes before my Uncle came running up and asking me if I was ok. I told him I thought my arm was broken. He took one look at it and he knew that I was right. He picked me up and carried me back to the front of the corral where the others were standing. He told my stepdad to get the truck so we could go to the ER and my stepdad replied, “Why, I have had worse injuries than that on my lip and had to whistle for a living.” My Uncle was livid! He told my Aunt to go get the car and my Mom (she was in the kitchen cooking dinner for every one and did not see what had happened). I overheard my Uncle tell my Aunt that my stepdad just laughed when Sugar threw me and made the comment, We will see how tough she is now won’t we. When we got back home my stepdad refused to even speak to me except to say, “Are you happy now? You just ruined the day for every one”. And he turned around and walked off.
That was the beginning of my unrealistic opinion of my self-worth. Regardless of what anyone said I always felt that it was my fault that the day was ruined and my Aunt and Uncle went home early.
But this too has added another layer to whom I am today.

An apology to all my followers

First of all, I need to apologize to my followers. A time of trials and tribulations. From one extreme to the other. High to low and everything in between. It has been way too long since my last post. And as the Lord pointed out to me in the wee hours of the morning, why would I increase your responsibilities when you have not been a good steward of the ones that I have given you? I too am guilty of letting the circumstances of the world dictate my actions. Instead we need to focus on the Lord and Praise His Name in all storms.
Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.
(One of the highs) In the past month, I have been blessed beyond compare with all of the prayer requests that have been answered.(One of the lows) Having to release my best friend of the last 15 years, Gus. A dog that I said I did not want when he was found in the middle of traffic on a busy street. And turned out to be my almost constant companion for the next 15 years. And maybe the most important gift we can give our friends is to let them go when it is time.

The same week I had an injection in my knee to alleviate pain and promptly had a massive allergic reaction that landed me in the ER. Well that started a cascade of things that I refuse to speak into existence. I tell you all of this to lead into my post for this time.

It truly bothers me when I hear people say, God Doesn’t Give Us More Than We Can Handle. I am sorry if I misunderstand but did anyone bother to tell Job that? I think there are several people in the Bible that would object to that statement. THAT PHRASE DOES NOT EXIST!
I do know that:
That God will work all things together for His glory and our good.
That no temptation is bigger than God. That He is loving and safe.
I was discussing my hospital stay with a trusted prayer warrior recently and I made the statement that, even though I spent that time in excruciating pain and confusion, I was given the opportunity to minister to 5 people! What an awesome feeling that was. I had an excellent nursing staff, (Hey 5 West UMC!!!) The Lord led me to ask them if they were praying people? I realize that is a rather unique way to bring up the subject but it is one that the Lord gave me. They do not run from the room when I ask them that question. They look at me and reply yes, no, or sometimes. But it opens up the conversation without the defensiveness that sometimes follows the question, “Are you a Christian?” And then at my follow-up appointment today I had the opportunity to minister to my family doctor and her medical student.
My trusted friend then made the comment, “God would not put you in that kind of pain!” I told her, “I know that God did not inflict that pain on me as that is a lie from Satan BUT it is up to each one of us to use every trial or tribulation for the opportunity to serve God.” The thought that came in my mind was the comment that I heard recently. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle and how contradictory that is to what I read the Bible to say. Do you use every opportunity to serve God? Or do you sit and wallow in “Poor pitiful me.” It is not our job to make them a believer. That is God’s job. We just need to open the door for His miraculous work to begin. For myself I choose to take every opportunity to add one more warrior to God’s Army.
Luke 12:48 From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.
1 Peter 4:19 Let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing (in doing good).
2 Cor 12:10 When we are down, we turn to Jesus for help. Thus, we may say, WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN AM I STRONG.
Romans 8:18.For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

The next post will be following soon. I promise.

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