A controlled tongue grows relationships.

One of the most destructive weapons in our arsenal is our tongue. Combined with a lack of self-control one’s tongue can derail relationships, destroy a person’s self-esteem, destroy cooperative teams, and implode an organization. Verbal intimidation creates a hostile relational environment. Followers will follow in relationships, in some areas, if they understand that followers don’t lead. In every relationship, there is a slow dance between leading and following.  Organizationally, leaders are responsible for their managers. They lead by example, training, guiding, and growing their people.  It is like being a maker of disciples who make disciples. The disciple who is disciplining the other person leads, guides, mentors, and follows the lead of the Holy Spirit as they work with along with the ‘in-the-making” disciple. When dissonance occurs it is because the leader has forgotten that it is their role to lead. “Just do it” does not work in growing leaders. Everyone cannot lead. Nothing will be accomplished. I remember walking into an organization where the leader took in so many suggestions from “everyone” that they were stuck in quicksand trying to please everyone. There was a relational and organizational implosion. The leader took it personally and used verbal intimidation as their means of “controlling behaviors.” They lost their best soft organizational resource – human beings with a heart invested in the organization. The organization became emotionally ill and everyone associated with it suffered. A lack of self-control and an unwillingness to control their temper and subsequently their tongue resulted in them losing their position. Positional intimidation combined with a lack of self-control, an unwillingness to “just” listen to their staff, but a willingness to listen to everyone who was not a leader destroyed a promising career. Now apply that to relationships and spiritual growth and we can see where an unwillingness to control one’s tongue can destroy the Family of God.

It is like being a maker of disciples who make disciples. The disciple who is disciplining the other person leads, guides, mentors, and follows the lead of the Holy Spirit as they work with along with the ‘in-the-making” disciple. When dissonance occurs it is because the leader has forgotten that it is their role to lead. “Just do it” does not work in growing leaders. Everyone cannot lead in the disciplining process. Nothing will be accomplished.

A lack of self-control and an unwillingness to control their temper and subsequently their tongue resulted in them losing their position. Positional intimidation combined with a lack of self-control, an unwillingness to “just” listen to their staff, but a willingness to listen to everyone who was not a leader destroyed a promising career. Now apply that to relationships and spiritual growth and we can see where an unwillingness to control one’s tongue and a lack fo self-control will destroy relationships and the Family of God.

No one is perfect, but if group dynamics are not accepting of the work involved in building relationships, the sense of “belonging” that a person needs to experience before they can open up to group dynamics will lead to missed opportunities for relational growth for all persons involved.

I can tell myself that I am not going to step out of introversion box and move forward relationally. I can tell myself that I would rather die than talk to someone about something that is bothering me. Or I can believe that God is God and will keep His promises to me and give me the strength to have those tough conversations with people. I am called to grow in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That also includes knowing how to control my tongue. Knowing when to stop talking and listening to people when they reach out for counseling. I can never tell them that they should be over their issues by now. Really, when was the last time that I looked at Joyce and her issues and realize that I still have some issues that I had ten years ago? How do I know that this happens? Because I am not God and I am not perfect. I hate conflict! I hate addressing conflict. I hate hurting other people’s feelings. My friend Jeleane will tell you that I would rather give people multiple chances to change and work with them for years until they reach a point where they see the possibilities for growth and who they are and can be in Christ before slamming the door shut on them. Growing leaders takes time. Growing relationships take time. Growing relationships in an emotionally and spiritually sick environment take even more time.  We are one in Christ! Love others with the same amount of love that we expect from Christ. Grow in love, not through intimidation and verbal assaults.

Notice how she refused to change her verbiage! She used her husband’s history of snoring to attach it to her current situation. Then attacked her child because of emotional transference. Her husband came back with loving affirmations. In real life, this rarely ever happens. We want instant solutions to problems that have existed for months, years, or decades. Sometimes verbal affirmations are all it takes to de-escalate a situation. Speak like not darkness and death!

 

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You’re Not the Only One

is a ministry of
Four Fast Friends LLC

You're Not the Only One
PO Box 968
Hardeeville SC 29927

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