Why do people get married?

#Marriage #Why

There are many ideas about why people should get married; Scripture even mentions more than one reason. Some recent publications suggest that marrying for love is a bad idea. Explore this idea using Internet resources and the Bible to articulate your point of view on this subject.

Today the presentation of the idea of marriage does not match the Biblical model declared by God’s word. Hartwell-Walker, a psychologist and marriage, and family counselor proposed five reasons why individuals should not marry the one they love. Hartwell-Walker lists  “(1) To escape the family of origin” as a logical reason why love should not enter the matrix of the decision to marry one’s, partner.[1] PREPARE/ENRICH provides research that supports the impact of the family of origin on couples and marriage; however,  PREPARE/ENRICH posits solutions that ameliorate the adverse impact that family of origin dynamics has on young couples.[2]  Hartwell-Walker posits another reason why couples considering marriage should not do so (2) Because it’s the next logical thing in a dating relationship or because parental expectations require them to conclude the relationship with marriage.[3]The construct of marrying because it is the “next logical thing” does not appear to fit the author’s original title neither does topics three to five offered as evidence as to why couples should not marry because they love each other.[4] Reasons three to five are as follows; (3) To fix the other person, (4) To legitimize sex and lastly (5) To avoid being alone.[5]

According to Gadoua “love is a luxury, ” and the main three reasons why couples should not marry for love are (1) Love is a changeable emotion and falling out of love occurs as rapidly as falling in love.[6] Gadoua continues, (2) Love does not make for a strong enough foundation and (3) Love is far from “all you need.”[7] Gadoua concludes the article with her recipe for  “strong, healthy relationships” as “1 Cup respect; “1 Cup shared goals; 3 Cups compatibility, 1 Tablespoon love, 1 teaspoon attraction (optional!).”[8] Note the exclusion of love admiration, friendship, and or companionship from Gadoua’s recipe. Additionally, Grant chose the wisdom and thoughts of Tacitus on why marrying for love “is a bad idea” to articulate why the current concept of marriage should be updated to meet the needs of society.[9]

Grant utilized circular reasoning to conclude that if love is the defining factor in the marriage decision them all forms of marriage that are outcroppings of love must be allowable.[10]Grant extended that frame of reference by declaring that gay marriages, polygamy and other societal configurations of marriage are worthy of consideration if love is the key that unlocks the door to the wedding.[11] Scripture declares that the thoughts that pervade the mind of humanity are incongruous with God’s thoughts (Isa 55:8-9).  God’s instruction manual for marriage is the same instruction manual for life. God declares that it is not acceptable for the man to be alone – the exact words “it is not good that the man should be alone” connotes the immensity of God’s perception of Adam’s need (Genesis 2:18 KJV).

God creates Eve not just for the physical companionship that Adam needed but for the permanent emotional relationship cited in Malachi 2:14 and Proverbs 2:17. Genesis 2:18-25 details that God creates Eve to be Adam’s companion and vice-a-versa.  Scripture also presents a picture that the covenant of marriage reflects the type of relationship that God has for part of creation that He made in His image (Eph 5:32; Eph 5:22-33; Is 54:5; Jer 31:32; Hos 2:16; I Cor 11:11). Scripture declares that God loves the world (Jo 3:16).  Deuteronomy 7:9 speaks of the covenant of love that God has His covenantal people. 1 John 4:9-11 declares “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (NKJV).

Any marriage union consummated on anything other than love violates I John 4:16 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” For a Christian, marriage outside of love demonstrates that the individuals do not love God  Scripture details that “If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen” (1 John 4:19-20 NKJV).

Although this Scripture speaks to general relationships among humanity, it applies to the marriage relationship because Agape love ensures that Eros is not self-motivated. Love begins with friendship and what better way to start a marital relation than with an understanding of the value of your mate before Eros develops.

It goes without saying that for a Christian to be in step with God and His intention for marriage marrying for anything other than love goes against God’s will for that individual’s life. God orders the steps of  His people. There is no problem for which He does not have a solution. So, when persons who do marry for love experience marital challenges, and they have them, there are resources to support them such as people like yourselves who are becoming God-ordained Christian marriage and pre-marital counselors.

Notes

  

  1. Bibliography
  2. Gadoua, Susan P. “3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry for Love Alone.” Contemplating Divorce. November 17, 2013. Accessed March 24, 2017. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201311/3-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-marry-love-alone.
  3. Grant, David. “Tacitus On Why Marriage For Love Is A Bad Idea.” Hestia Society. August 19, 2015. Accessed March 24, 2017. http://www.socialmatter.net/2015/04/11/1990/.
  4. Hartwell-Walker, Marie. “5 Reasons Not To Marry the One You Love.” Psych Central. July 17, 2016. Accessed March 24, 2017. https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-reasons-not-to-marry-the-one-you-love/.
  5. PREPARE/ENRICH. Couple and Family Maps. Roseville: PREPARE/ENRICH, LLC., 2015. Accessed March 20, 2017. https://www.prepare-enrich.com.

 

 

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