You Are Not the Only One

1 Timothy 2:1-5 says, “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone – for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (New King James Version NKJV).

As Christians, we talk to people about their concerns.  99.9% of the time we feel that we must pray for and with that person who has come to us with life challenges that have impaired them emotionally; rented their relationships with others; or has created a divide between them and their Heavenly Father.

We can pray for [not necessarily with or during a counseling session]the person.

• Wisdom and power for others: “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength” (NKJV).
• Strength and an indwelling knowledge of God’s love for them and others:  “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God”(Ephesians 3:16-19).
• Discernment: “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God” ( Philippians 1:9-11).
• Spiritual understanding and clarity in knowing God’s will for their situation: “For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding” (Colossians 1:9).
• Steadfastness: “May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance” (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
• Boldness in sharing their faith: “I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ” (Philemon 1:6).

Having read the above when do we pray with the person? Can praying with a person negatively impact their relationship with their Heavenly Father?

Prayer is the power tool of the believer, but should it be used in every circumstance?

1. Do we use prayer in every counseling situation? NO!
2. Do we ever use prayer to chastise a brother or sister in Christ? NO!
3. Do we ever use prayer to put people on a guilt trip? NO!

What are some cautions or possible negative impacts about the use of prayer in counseling [pastoral or otherwise]?

1.  First, interceding for the needs of a care seeker could lead them to assume that prayer for their need is the counselor’s responsibility; thus negating him or her using this spiritual discipline to transform their lives and bring a resolution to their story (McMinn, 2011).
2. Second, if the theological foundation of the client is not firm the use of contemplative prayer as a form of meditation and worship risks straying into the formation heresy (McMinn, 2011).
3. Third, the use of prayer with a care seeker who is self-conscious about prayer may result in an ethical concern for the area of developing a healthy sense of self (“Week 6: Prayer for Psychological and Spiritual Health: Cautions [PowerPoint Slides],” 2015, Lecture 2).
4. Fourth, within the limits of developing a healthy sense of need, the inappropriate timing of the inclusion of prayer during counseling can deteriorate into the care seeker hoping for magical results [This falls into the category of those e-mails that tell you to say this prayer and XYZ will happen for you.] (“Week 6: Prayer for Psychological and Spiritual Health: Cautions [PowerPoint Slides],” 2015, Lecture 2). Continuing with that thought, a counselor may inappropriately use prayer to motivate the care seeker to feel better rather than understanding that prayer connects them with God (“Week 6: Prayer for Psychological and Spiritual Health: Cautions [PowerPoint Slides],” 2015, Lecture 2).
5. Fifth, regarding the importance of a healthy healing relationship, prayer may result in dependency on the counselor and a potential breach of ethical boundaries if the focus strays from God to the counselor (“Week 6: Prayer for Psychological and Spiritual Health: Cautions [PowerPoint Slides],” 2015, Lecture 2).

McMinn (2011) also enumerates some additional risks when using prayer during counseling sessions.

1. Praying for the social effect – Jesus condemns this.
2. Praying ritualistically which makes the act of prayer meaninglessness.
3. Praying as a defense mechanism that could lead the care seeker to develop an avoidance of the presenting personal issues that is confronting them and
4. in counseling prayer can placate the client and relieve them of their accountability for their sin and or actions before God (McMinn, 2011).

McMinn also iterated the challenges that counselors will face while using prayer as a therapeutic tool in counseling.

Prayer and an unbeliever: This quote from Ortberg (2009) is appropriate here “Right now you cannot run a marathon [Prayer is a marathon]. More to the point, you cannot run a marathon even if you try really, really hard [That is what a non-believer would be doing when forced to pray to a God in whom they do not believe.] (p. 45). Using prayer in a counseling session with a non-believer is like asking them to run a marathon. They must first know that he exists and that he cares otherwise prayer is just a religious ritual with no meaning for them at all (Moitinho, 2015). [This ay applies to a believer who is plagued with doubts. Or a believer who believes that they do something before God will relieve their suffering. In this instance, it is inappropriate to placate this believer with prayer.  Prayer is an act of contrition and worship. It is not something one does to force God to do what we want Him to do.]

According to McMinn (2011) always try to avoid situations that could harm the care seeker. McMinn declared that a counselor without training in prayer therapy could cause more harm than good. It was interesting to note that McMinn (2011) stated that prayer is not a technique (p.109)

Prayer is the power tool of Christians, it is the divine resource that creates change from the inside to the outside, but in counseling we must be careful when praying during sessions with the clients it could do more harm than good (McMinn, 2011).

Prayer allows each person who understands the freedom that comes from the unconditional love of God to be freed from their emotional turmoil. The caveat is, does the person you are praying with understand and or accepts the concept of unconditional love?  Are they personally crying out to Jesus for a resolution of their situation? Are they willing to allow you to pray with them for a resolution of their situation? Do they believe that God has the answer to their problems?

How, where, and when you pray for or with a person with whom you are counseling depends on your/their answer to the above question.  Yes, you can always prayer for a person at home, alone, in your prayer closet, in your office – when they are not there – CRY OUT TO JESUS – for them to see His loving hand in their circumstances.  Pray for them to see His as the one who cares deeply for them.

Blessings to all who reads this post.  Prayer changes everything! Use it wisely!

References

McMinn, M. R. (2011). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling [Google Books Version]. Retrieved from https://play.google.com/books/reader?printsec=frontcover&output=reader&id=LNT_QSrKqggC&pg=GBS.PA119.w.3.1.15

Moitinho, E. (2015). Week 6: 3 Prayer and the Christian counselor [Video file]. Lecture, Liberty University Integration of Psychology and Theology. Retrieved from Blackboard.Liberty.edu

Ortberg, J. (2009). The life you’ve always wanted: Spiritual disciplines for ordinary people [Google Books Version]. Retrieved from https://books.google.com/books?id=jckzhepTtHMC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&hl=en&output=reader&pg=GBS.PT198.w.2.0.31

. (2015). Lecture 2, Liberty University Integration of Psychology and Theology. Retrieved from Blackboard.Liberty.eduWeek 6: Prayer for psychological and spiritual health [PowerPoint slides]