You Are Not the Only One

This past month has been one of intense introspection. I have started 5 or 6 articles, only to hit the delete button on every one of them. I have had numerous hours of meditation and prayer. I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to have to start typing and see where the Lord leads me at this precise moment.
There are unfortunately too many times in my life that have dealt with the different types of abuse. It is horrific to contemplate all the myriad ways that we can be cruel and hurtful to each other. As long as there are egos and warped sense of values, there will always be those out to diminish the ones around them. For some twisted reasons, these persons feel the only way to elevate themselves is to destroy the ones closest to them. Just when you think you have seen the worst that the human race can put forth, you find one that has outdone even that. The only way to change this outcome is to change our focus. Instead of chasing the all mighty dollar and all that this entails, we should turn our focus to the fruits of the spirit. I admit that I often don’t understand why bad things happen. Even so, I believe that God has a purpose for everything He does or permits. My faith is rooted in the biblical principle that says the Lord is sovereign (Ps. 22:28). He is in absolute control of this universe, the natural and political climate of this earth, and my life and yours. But as time goes on, it becomes more clear that the reasoning behind the trials that I have endured would be the basis of my ministry that I am in right now. I know that there are some people out there reading my story and more than likely are saying to themselves…..this can not possibly be true. That many things can not happen to one person. That is the very reason I go into such detail in describing my life. For the people who have experienced that type of abuse, they will know it is true. You would not be able to write the details of such horror if you had not lived through it. Those are the people who I am reaching out to. For the ones that are just beginning to see the signs of such things, maybe it will be the one thing they need to get out of that situation before it is too late.
I am just now beginning to realize just how far back these situations go. I have just 3 memories from the time I was born to age 6. The first was my own willful disobedience. My Mom had told my sister and myself NOT to go down to the pump jacks and to never never try to get up on one. (Even tho they looked just like a really large seesaw. Lol) Well we did it any way. I could not have been older than 4 years old. And one of the only times my Mom spanked me. And she did spank me and my sister, all the way back to the house. I never did go back to the pump jacks ever again. LOL
The other memory was of my stepdad putting me on a Shetland pony by the name of Sugar. Boy did they give that pony the wrong name or what! She was anything but sugar. When he put me up on her, she did not have a bridle or saddle. But she did have an attitude. She took off at a dead run for the other end of the corral and just as we got to the end of the corral she pitched me off and I landed with my left arm under me. I laid there for what seemed like hours but it was only minutes before my Uncle came running up and asking me if I was ok. I told him I thought my arm was broken. He took one look at it and he knew that I was right. He picked me up and carried me back to the front of the corral where the others were standing. He told my stepdad to get the truck so we could go to the ER and my stepdad replied, “Why, I have had worse injuries than that on my lip and had to whistle for a living.” My Uncle was livid! He told my Aunt to go get the car and my Mom (she was in the kitchen cooking dinner for every one and did not see what had happened). I overheard my Uncle tell my Aunt that my stepdad just laughed when Sugar threw me and made the comment, We will see how tough she is now won’t we. When we got back home my stepdad refused to even speak to me except to say, “Are you happy now? You just ruined the day for every one”. And he turned around and walked off.
That was the beginning of my unrealistic opinion of my self-worth. Regardless of what anyone said I always felt that it was my fault that the day was ruined and my Aunt and Uncle went home early.
But this too has added another layer to whom I am today.