MOMMA, WHY COULDN’T YOU DO SOMETHING?


MOMMA, WHY COULDN’T YOU PROTECT ME? I WAS ONLY A LITTLE CHILD? YOU WERE THE BIG PERSON! WAS I A BAD KID? MOMMA, WHY? WHY? WHY?

To some it is going to seem like such a trivial question. But to some it is going to hit way too close to the deepest, most damaged part of their inner being. I know, because that is where that question is hitting me right now.

For those of you that have been following Flip Flip’s story, this is a different direction once again. Or maybe it’s not. It all goes to the events and situations that make us who we are today. This one I was not ready for. Never in a million years would I have thought I would ever cry out in this kind of pain! I am my Mother’s biggest supporter. My Mom was my everything! But I have been doing some digging into those dark closets that you have become so familiar with. You know the ones….10 deadbolts, 8 padlocks and crossed timbers (just in case) that we all hide those excruciating and painful memories in. The ones that we never want the light of day to ever see again. But if we are ever going to be able to heal, completely heal, we have to bring it ALL out into the light of God’s love. Only then will we be able to throw it out like the garbage of HELL that it is.

I will try, O FATHER, HELP ME! I will try to convey how I came to this part of this journey. I have felt for a long time that something really bad had happened in my past that my conscious mind refused to allow me to remember. I think this is it. I pray that it is. If it feels worse than this, I am not sure my human self could handle it. That is not true. I know, I KNOW that I can do all things thru Jesus Christ who strengthens me. It is only with Him by my side that I can put these feelings into words.

All it took to bring this avalanche of pain down on me was one question……Why did your Mom not do something? WHY DID YOUR MOM NOT DO SOMETHING?……MOMMA! WHY DIDN’T YOU DO SOMETHING? I WAS ONLY A LITTLE CHILD! DID YOU NOT SEE? DID YOU LOVE ME?

I could give you all the reasons that I have manufactured over the years (to myself). She had nowhere to go. She had five kids. She had no way to make a living. SHE WAS AFRAID………..Well I guess that sums it up, doesn’t it? It made sense when I told myself that. Or was I just repeating all the excuses that I had heard over the years? I have no way of knowing. My Mom passed away from Cancer when I was only 23 years old. Yeah, you got it, right in the middle of my first marriage. If you do not learn from history, you are doomed to repeat the mistakes. O MY LORD! Is that why I stayed so long? Seven years! I had nowhere to go. I had two kids. I had no way to make a living. (At least that is what my husband at the time convinced me of). I WAS AFRAID!!

But I just realized something…..the pain is slowly subsiding. Yes, I have spent the biggest part of today, crying. I think that is all part of the process. Back when I put these memories into that closet in my mind, that is when I should have cried. That is when the pain was the freshest. That is when the wound was the deepest. But fresh wounds heal with the right medicine. That medicine is the blood of Jesus Christ. He will take all of the wounds that you have experienced. He has already taken more than you and I would ever be able to withstand. Crucified. Hung up on the Cross. Could you take the nails from His hands? Would you? So that we could have everlasting life. Would you do that for me? Could you? HE DID!

I know my Mom loved me. I know that my Mom knew Jesus Christ and His Father. I know she is in Heaven at this very moment looking down at me saying, “It is going to be all right baby. The boo boo is going to heal now. Jesus loves you. I love you. I am sorry I could not do something then. But I brought some one that can DO something now. Trust in your Father”.
I FORGIVE YOU MOMMA.
I LOVE YOU MOMMA.

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16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bueller
    Mar 18, 2011 @ 19:17:24

    Wow, you are so right!! I feel like that with Mom only I’ve never had the courage to ask why?? And, since I didn’t tell, that’s my excuse!! But this one hit me in the chest as some of you will understand. Wyn, I know that brought about copious amounts of whelps, but they are all worth it!!

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  2. Jennifer Carter
    Mar 18, 2011 @ 19:18:09

    oh hun!!
    You made me cry!! How brave you are for taking this journey!!!! Many many angelhugs!!!!!

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  3. Flip Flip
    Mar 18, 2011 @ 19:36:07

    Thank you both. Yes Bueller it is worth it.

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  4. Joyce
    Mar 18, 2011 @ 19:42:44

    If it doesn’t come out it will go in deeper and manifest itself in other way.
    Good job Wyn.

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  5. sue
    Mar 18, 2011 @ 19:51:26

    Psalm 34:17-20 ESV

    When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

    James 5:16 ESV

    Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

    Prayers for you as you continue on your journey! love and hugs!!

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  6. Flip Flip
    Mar 18, 2011 @ 19:58:32

    Thank you Sue. Thank you Joyce.

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  7. Joyce
    Mar 19, 2011 @ 09:53:25

    YW my friend… you are being healed by these posts and so are hundreds of other women.. just look at the FB readership. TY Lord for multiplying this little ministry into a huge under taking. You said that it would reach out to more people than we imagined possible and it did:
    New Likes?
    2541,593%
    Lifetime Likes?
    459
    Monthly Active Users?
    3,4302,538%
    Post Views?
    22,353474%( what pastor would not love to know that this many people are being reached by his sermons–I know we are not now nor ever want to be called pastors).
    Stand firm in the resolve that the Lord leads and your follow.
    Be prepared for the battle that will ensue.
    Know that HE always wins!!!

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  8. Bernice
    Mar 19, 2011 @ 11:28:20

    Tried to post something here last night and then unexpected visitors came to my house and we talked until midnight thirty.

    Basically, been there, done that, went to therapy and finally learned to forgive BOTH my dad and mom for keeping me in an abusive family situation.

    On the backside of all that therapy and with me being a middle-aged woman, I’m convinced the Lord gave me to these parents and I lived as I did to create compassion inside of me as well as other things (Re:Psalm 139). I try to this day to see hope and brightness even in dark times and trials. The Lord endowed me with determination and the ability to go hard until I finish what’s before me.

    I honestly believe He’s given me an extremely sensitive nature because somewhere in His Kingdom that’s needed.

    Also, if I ever get serious about writing a book, believe me, it would sell just based on the craziness factor.

    However, thankfully, as a mom I see things differently then I did about my mom when I was a child. I tend to understand better how she coped with my father and how although she was wrong, as was he, for keeping my sister and I in an extremely abusive situation, the Lord brought us through it.

    Today, my mom and I are extremely close. The other branch of my intermediate family, meaning my sister, chooses to disown both my mom and me. We don’t exist to her.

    This causes me to really hope and pray one day there will be healing for us…all of us…and we will be a family….because we truly are. Cannot deny blood or DNA. I admit, sometimes, like when I read something like this post, or during the holidays, I hurt deeply over the division within my family.

    Isaiah 61 is my life chapter. I know one day, my Father God, will heal us. I believe it with all my heart. He promises we will tear down ancient ruins…..well, I really need to look that up again.

    I could go on and on and on, but what’s the point? This is not my story. It’s yours. To go on would be intrusive.

    So, the Lord is shaping me for something, I just don’t know what it is. Until I do. Until I understand where He chooses for me to go and tells me what to do, I will remain silent.

    And, that’s okay. Keep posting your blog, Wynette and Joyce.

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  9. Louise
    Mar 19, 2011 @ 11:40:14

    TY Wyn,God Bless you on your journey..Angel Hugs xxx

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  10. Margie
    Mar 19, 2011 @ 14:10:59

    Thank you Wyn, May God always be by your side..You are truly a blessing to a lot of us..Your story has had a great impact on me, things that I have pushed back so far in my life..After all, I have quite a few more years on most of you..
    I’m having a hard time realizing so many of us have gone through such tough times in our childhood. I thank my Jesus everyday that he has saved me and brought me to live such a beautiful life at this stage of my life..I still have a lot of pain and have been in therapy for years on end..(It’s now called Past stress snydrom) It’s ok though! As Bernice said this is your story and gosh do I have so much respect for you. Thank You Jesus for the strength You have give this Special Person in order for her to do this and share her life story with so many of us..
    Keep posting Wyn, we all love you! God Bless!

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  11. Sherri
    Mar 19, 2011 @ 23:12:26

    Wyn: thank you so much for sharing your story. This had to be so hard to live through all of this again, to write this down in here! We are ALL blessed to have the pleasure to know you and read your story. This will help many, many women!

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  12. Sherri
    Mar 19, 2011 @ 23:14:01

    Thank you for the music videos; I especially like Kerrie Roberts! 🙂

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  13. Harriet Grant
    Mar 19, 2011 @ 23:47:57

    Wow Wyn! That was something for you to share. Thank you for sharing and I’m sure many needed to hear this.

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  14. Joyce
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 17:43:49

    Sometimes momma is in such a state of emotional panic themselves they are stuck in personal survival and just cannot help their children. That is not an excuse–it is a fact. That is why I know that the Lord has brought Wyn through these experiences to let others know that there is a way out.

    He can preserve you AND your children from these scenarios. Women you set the tone for what will happen to your daughters when they become adults. Think about that one. They will only emulate what they see.

    Thank you brave one for heeding the unction of the Lord–you have put it out there now I hope that the message will be heard.

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  15. Flip Flip
    Mar 20, 2011 @ 19:54:56

    I am touched to the depths of my soul with the love that you all have shown me. The healing has begun! I can do All things thru Christ Jesus who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

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  16. ANN WARREN
    Mar 26, 2011 @ 23:38:23

    Wy thank you for sharing…I do believe that we all go through these wilderness times in our lives it has brought us to be the people we are today…the people God wants us to be so that we can do what He needs us to do for His glory!! Those wilderness times are hard to go through and deal with but they are worth going through to do what God wants us to do for His glory!! I know that because of all my wilderness times I have become more compassionate towards others and can sympathize with those in need!! It has giving me a heart to help others even when I am going through wilderness times myself!! That is what being like Jesus is all about!! Please Lord make me more like Jesus!!

    Wy I am like you still healing from all the abuse I have received in my life, but with God’s help through others like you I will heal!!

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