To Please or Not to Please?
By Aaron D’Anthony Brown

Bible Reading:
“For am I now trying to persuade people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10, CSB)

A dear friend of mine has told me many times, he longs to be understood and known by those around him. For much of his life, he’s felt just the opposite, both with family and friends. What I’ve tried to instill in him, is that he might be working against himself. In his mind, doing for others at the expense of himself is supposed to lead to being understood.

He’s a people-pleaser and he knows it. If he can just do the right thing, and say the right thing, he will eventually reap the reward of being known. In reality, they do know him, or some version, but not as he wants to be known because that part is hidden. See the contradiction?

Those who engage in people-pleasing do so because, like my friend, they are hoping to achieve some abstract payoff. If only everyone would like them, life would be bliss. Not!

There will never come a time when everyone likes you. Some people will dislike you for the very fact that you desperately want to be liked!

Now, I don’t personally struggle with people-pleasing, but I can certainly understand the allure. After all, no one with a healthy mindset wants to be disliked by everyone! Rather, we want affirmation and appreciation and reassurance to varying degrees throughout our lives. People-pleasing seems to be what happens when we desire those things too much.

The solution is not easy, but it is simple – shift our focus from people and put it on God. Let’s break that down into practical terms.

Intersecting Faith & Life:

If you’re one of those people-pleasing people, don’t ever think you’re stuck in this particular sin. What you need is a shift in mindset and that comes with taking practical steps over time. In essence, in order to break a habit you a to build a new, godlier one.

Practice Introspection

Maybe you’ve never considered this, or maybe it’s time to do it again, but self-reflection is important. Take time to consider why you people-please so much. Consider what you’re hoping to get and why that matters so much.

Set Boundaries

When is enough, enough? You need to know yourself in order to set boundaries. And with boundaries comes the ability to give simple no’s rather than overexplaining, and not overburdening yourself with people who would never in a million years do the same for you.

Naturally, as believers we are called to serve, even thanklessly. However, allowing someone to take advantage of you (because you’re pleasing them) without admonishing them, works to their detriment and yours.

Stop Overthinking

If so-and-so didn’t say the thing you imagine them thinking, why are you assuming that’s how they feel? When we assume, we almost always go for the worst-case scenario, yet that worse-case is rarely ever what happens. Here’s what we can do instead, turn those worrisome thoughts into prayers. This will help you focus more on God and less on the imagined problem.

If you want to test this theory, share with so-and-so what you assumed they felt and see how they respond. Were you accurate?

Derive Your Worth from God

You might not be a people-pleaser in the sense of wanting to please all the peoples. Maybe your sin is more subtle. Maybe you’re just trying to please your spouse by withholding the truth or please your boss by ignoring wrongdoing. Whatever the case, the issue seems to be deriving our worth from man instead of God.

Certainly there are roles we play within our families, friendships, at work. These roles give us a sense of fulfillment and purpose. However, if any of these responsibilities were to disappear, and they may, would that mean our worth also disappears?

According to Scripture, that answer is clear.

God’s love for us is not contingent upon doing or being anything. He loves us, regardless. If that’s the case, try focusing on pleasing Him first and foremost. We can do for others second.

With Him as the focus, and by knowing ourselves, and by having boundaries, and not overthinking, we can turn away from being people-pleasing people.

Further Reading:
Colossians 3:23
Proverbs 29:25
Romans 8:31
Romans 12:2

Join the conversation! Share how today’s devotional encouraged or challenged you in your walk with Christ.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Memedozaslan 

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Aaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes to Salem Web Network’s Crosswalk platform and supports various clients through the freelancing website Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status qu